do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
