benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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