I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
