I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
