I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
