I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
