The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't turn off my feet"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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