so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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