i can't believe i had my finger in that
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
