He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
