my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have post one night stand depression
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
