UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
