Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
