Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
