Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
