Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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