Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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