we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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