K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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