I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
