pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
