My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
