And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
