Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
