I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
