A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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