I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
