she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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