Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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