Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
