If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
