I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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