I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
