If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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