She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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