Sponge bath it is.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize