Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
