Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
