I seem to have left my pride at pride
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
