I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
