id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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