R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
