I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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