I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
