bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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