I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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