Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
