Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
