did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
