He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
