So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the liver wants what the liver wants
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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