Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wish my penis had a tongue
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
