I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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