I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
