He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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