just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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