Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
