hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
