Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
