if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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