shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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