you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
