I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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