His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize