wakey wakey hands off snakey
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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