I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
