I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you inspire me to be a worse person
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
