i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
where are my eyebrows?
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