I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
