Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
